I now pronounce you…you!

Sologomy. Sounds like a condition!  Sounds a little bit rude.  There’s got to be a better word for committing yourself to yourself.

This new trend became fashionable sometime last year and took over our news feeds and social pages; stories of people marrying themselves in lavish ceremonies with cakes, cars and even solo honeymoons.  But this is not all that new!  Back in 2010 Sue Sylvester married herself in Glee after an online dating service revealed SHE was her best match!

So, what is Sologomy, is it legal and why bother?

Sologomy is the act of committing to oneself.  Oddly, in the US, you can do it while you’re married to someone else (this does seem to negate some of the belief behind it though!). It’s not recognised (there or here) as a legal state and therefore means you are not married.  And that means you’ll need a celebrant to conduct your ceremony.

During my research for this I discovered that the people who are sologomists (it’s getting sillier!) are so because they’re coming out of bad relationships or have never been in a long term (good or bad) relationship, and can see the positives in being alone and loving yourself.  Forking out £10k for the ‘wedding’ might seem a little OTT for some, but for those who need to put the past behind them and believe not only in a happy ending but a happy start too, it’s a necessary part of moving on and celebrating their commitment to themselves.

I’m sure psychologists and psychiatrists would have a field day on this subject, and I can imagine a few people have sent their kids/siblings/friends off to talk to someone once they mention they want to marry themselves.  But is it really all that weird?  Well, yes, of course it’s a little odd and off the wall but in reality what’s the harm in someone deciding that they are the best person to make themselves happy and wanting to celebrate that in front of all of the people who claim to love them?

It may not mean they’ve given up on finding a mate. It simply means that for this point in their lives being with themselves, loving themselves and putting themselves first is what they need.  And as it’s not a recognised legal state (because if it was all of those tick boxes on forms would need to be edited!) if/when they do find someone else that they’d like to share their love and life with, they won’t be committing bigamy!

I imagine there’s something quite profound about hearing someone vow to treat themselves with kindness and respect, face their failures and work through their own disappointments.  It’s a significant thing to promise.  We seem so used to accepting the shit that happens in our lives but not great about saying ‘right, I’ve had enough of that, I’m doing this instead’.  Why do we find it hard to celebrate ourselves, our successes and how loved we are. Why do we need someone else to validate those things for us?  Society does only recognise single or couples.  It’s getting used to same sex couples, surely it won’t take long to get used to single couples (oh dear, I’ve surpassed myself now and my English teacher has probably just fainted!).

I hope one day I get invited to a sologomy ceremony. I just wouldn’t want to put a bet on which one of my friends it will be!  ♥

Read Sophie Tanner’s story of sologomy and decide for yourself if she’s (as she puts it) a ‘sad feminist’ or just a very lucky, happy, loved person

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