Should you include your MiL in your wedding plans? After all, she’s a big part of the reason you’re having this amazing day in the first place!
Mothers-in-Law are often overlooked in the wedding planning process. Some don’t mind, others don’t care, but a fair few (especially if they only have boys and will never get the chance to be Mother of the Bride) would like a little involvement in their son’s big day.
(I know I know – it’s your big day and he’s just along for the ride 😉)
I asked around my circle to see what the general consensus was about involving your other half’s mum and it was pretty positive. But what if you try to include her and she tries to take over? Or worse, says ‘no thanks’! Here are some ways to include your mother-in-law without threat of a take over, resulting in a whole new dimension to your relationship.
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♥ Should she come dress shopping?
This is a biggie. It really does depend on your relationship. I love my MiL but she would have feinted at the cost of the dresses so it would have been more stressful than enjoyable for her and me. If yours is strongly opinionated an option might be to leave her at home during the initial shop, but invite her for the final fitting (once it’s all said and done!). Perhaps ask for insight on your veil or your shoes. If she’s keen to buy your veil or tiara, just let her. It’s her way of being involved.
♥ How about seeing you before the ceremony?
This is one thing I wish I had done – invited my MiL into the room to see me before I headed down the aisle. For two reasons…1) she was a little teary when I entered and that might have been prevented and 2) I think it would have made her feel special, that she got to see me before everyone else. Your choice, certainly, but an easy win for the start of your marriage to her son!
♥ Food Input
I’m not saying let her pick your menu, but maybe let her come to the tasting (even if it’s just cake and/or wine).
♥ Her Outift
Offer to have a girlie day shopping with her and your mum along with the bridesmaids, and find everyone’s outfits together. A good day out with shopping, lunch and maybe a little cocktail can go a long way to making your MiL feel involved.
♥ Give her a Job
She might want to get super involved. A good way to stem this (and stop her doing the things you’d rather do yourself) is to give her a list of the things ‘you really need her help with’. Try not to put too many menial things on there (like keeping the sweet cart full) or she might twig. One or two ‘important things’ will do nicely.
♥ Keep one of her Traditions
Why not ask her if there’s a family tradition she’d like included in your day? Maybe something from her day that you could mimic (do the same with your own parents too). It doesn’t have to be big, but it will make her feel involved and a little special.
A few of these sprinkled about your planning could keep arguments at bay and help your MiL to feel included.
Think you’ve got a Monster-in-Law? Bet they’re not as bad as these!
A few things NOT to do:
♥ Don’t ask her opinion if you’re really not interested or are just going to ignore it. Asking for the sake of it won’t keep her sweet, it will just annoy her when you don’t listen. Only ask for help where you actually want it.
♥ Don’t not get her a gift (excuse the double neg there, but you get my drift!). What I mean is, even if she doesn’t help at all or assist financially, she’s still your husband’s mum. And that deserves flowers on your wedding day. Even if you really don’t like her. Just do it.
♥ Don’t force her to do anything. If she doesn’t want to be involved that’s fine. If she does but she won’t chaperone the kids that’s fine too. BUT it is your day so you don’t have to let her do what she wants. Just be respectful
♥ Don’t fight with her on the day. If she’s a bit of a monster and does something bad just let it go. You don’t want your wedding remembered because you yelled at your MiL. Walk away and her indiscretion will be forgotten.
Remember, your MiL loves your husband. She’s losing him a little bit. No matter what, you will more than likely see your mum more than he see his. So a little compassion and concession won’t hurt you but will go a long way towards her happiness ♥